Harlan Ellison On Screenwriting

FADE IN- INT. CHEEZ WHIZ FACTORY. DAY. A MAN in a yellow jumpsuit is stirring a vat of Cheez Whiz with a huge wooden ladle in a cavernous room. The SOUND of burbling, viscuous liquid permeates the chamber. ENTER- HARLAN ELLISON, carrying a pigskin briefcase in his left hand and a severed monkey's head in his other. ELLISON- Cut, motherfucker!

I don't want to sound like a wise-guy here; but is this guy teaching writing or just being a stand-up comic from the Borsch belt? The only good advice which I gleaned from this diatribe about morons and trailer white trash who stand before 'Judge Judy' is, if you want to be a Hollywood screenwriter; don't live in Wyoming! I live in Sydney, Australia - that's bad enough! I already knew this.

This is only 3 MINUTES from a THREE HOUR interview. Not that I had to do anything but sit back and let Harlan go. The crowd loved him and he gave lotsa pearls o' wisdom.

If you pan just a little more to the right you'll see me in a black Dodgers hat and dark sunglasses (I don't like making eye contact with other writers.) Interesting how Harlan makes condescending remarks about "trailer trash" and then makes a distinction between dumb people and arrogant dumb people. In the country you can find a few dumb people. In the city you find NOTHING BUT arrogant dumb people!

Yeah, dude, I think this is from 2002. Either that or old Harlan gave the same lecture in 2003.

I like Harlan, too bad, though, he doesn't like people who like him. He relishes eviscerating his fans.

Say what you want about Harlan he is one of the greatest writers from the 20th century. He may be a bit ornery and a little too litigious but you have to love his interviews.

Harlan will only die when death plucks up the courage to visit him.

You should go out and support them! They'd love it.

My god, I cannot imagine a world without Harlan Ellison. May he live forever.